Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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