Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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