I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
