Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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