no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just had sex bonerless
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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