Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
