no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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