he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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