I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
