I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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