i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
