I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
