my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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