So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
