My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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