i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
