I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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