It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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