what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
