we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
