There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
