I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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