she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
