He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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