the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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