Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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