awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
