I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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