Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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