I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
