so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
