and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
