I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
