it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
