what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
