is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
