We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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