It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
