I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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