I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
