i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
