He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need a burrito and a hug.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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