be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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