dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
