Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i came on her dog
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
