fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
