I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
