i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
