Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
