she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
