I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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